My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
