omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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