she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Randomize
