i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
