you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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