Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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