i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
