Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
