they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Someone shattered a urinal.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
