I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
