I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
You are the jesus of drinking
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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