I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
