I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
