Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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