dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
