Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
