i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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