And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
