**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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