Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
