I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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