I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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