I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
