i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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