Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
