Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
