What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
