My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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