She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
