i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
