Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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