but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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