mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
He uses pillows to masturbate.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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