So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
