Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
We need a shit load of segways right now
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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