Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
