Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
