and you said cock pushups were impossible
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
you inspire me to be a worse person
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
