if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
