Barsexuality is the new black.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
