We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
