you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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