So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
