i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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