life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
did i walk over a car last night?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
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