Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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