You're completely useless in the revolution.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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