I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Also, beer. Big fan.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
