genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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