i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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