I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
The adults are the big ones right?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
