Swine flu. Run for my life!
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
