Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
