you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
