I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
