OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
So many bounce houses so little time
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
