She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
