you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Randomize
