We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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