So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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