Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
