if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
