it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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