Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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