did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
