Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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