Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
