I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
