Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
